If you find yourself getting excited for Monday nights, you may be a member of #BachelorNation. Give us a blanket, several bottles of pinot grigio, and a brand-new episode of The Bachelor (Season 20!!!) and we’re set. It’s hard to pin down what it is about this show that keeps us coming back for more – the excruciating group dates? The tearful confessions? The impossibly structured crop tops and sundresses? It’s all trash, glorious trash, and it’s an American TV institution. So we’ll try to describe just what it is that makes this edition of The Bachelor our favorite guilty pleasure.
1. The Bachelor Himself
This season’s man-in-the-hot-seat, Ben, is so loveable, so hateable…so dumb but so dateable. Mr. Higgins, 26, is a charming simpleton who only wants to conquer his greatest fear (“being unloveable”). Even as we’re screaming in frustration at him for his insane romantic tactics – i.e. telling two (2) separate women that he is in love with them – we can’t help but melt a little when he flashes his million-dollar smile. Nevermind that his pickup lines never change, during every dinner date and every rendezvous under a waterfall. Nevermind that his eyes always look like his brain data is still buffering. Nevermind that he overuses the word “incredible.” Ben doesn’t know any better. Like any cutie with a 6-pack, does he not also deserve the woman of his dreams?
2. Olivia’s Mouth
Every reality show has one: a villainous harpy bent on everyone else’s destruction. This season, the “bad girl” is Olivia, an ambitious news anchor from Texas who speaks her own secret “love language” with Ben. Her most distinguishing feature is her mouth, a cavernous vortex full of perfect white teeth – which the Internet has taken notice of, and meme-ified. Olivia opens her maw wide to laugh at the other girls, to crow about her one-on-one dates, and to generally intimidate her enemies. We think Olivia’s giant kisser may also be the door to Narnia. She has, unfortunately, been eliminated, but her unhinged jaw will live in Bachelor history forever.
3. Tops That Defy Gravity
Did Ben make the right choice last night? pic.twitter.com/1qaASXJzCH
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 23, 2016
We ask ourselves one question every episode: how does that shirt stay in place? The Bachelor contestants are a gaggle of gorgeous women, every one of them equipped with an expensive wardrobe chock-full of rompers, dresses, swimsuits, bandeaus, and bustiers. They’re playing beach volleyball, they’re skydiving – and yet none of these garments ever appears to slip. The bosoms on The Bachelor stay immaculate. Do they provide gaffer’s tape on set? Is there some kind of space-tech undergarment situation going on? We need to know!
4. The Twins, Twinning
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 6, 2016
Admittedly, the gimmick of twins has never worked well on reality competitions – look no further than America’s Next Top Model or A Double Shot at Love. It’s especially tough in a dating situation. How is a Bachelor supposed to choose between two (identical!) siblings?! However, the sisters Emily and Haley made it work for longer than we thought they would this season; the twins gave each other strength and presented a united front in the face of drama amongst the girls. We loved to watch their adorably airheaded confessionals (in which their occupations were both separately listed as “Twin”) and, for a while, Ben was on board too. Sadly, our fave sisters were not destined for the finals, and only Emily survived to continue courting the man of her dreams.
5. Chris Harrison is Trapped
One of our forever-favorite aspects of The Bachelor has got to be the smooth-talking, world-weary host: Chris Harrison. After countless seasons of the show, not to mention its many spinoffs, Chris has seen it all. We look forward every week to his bizarre interruptions of the girls’ group conversations, as well as his completely useless reminders that, at the end of the rose ceremony, “there’s only one left.” We can see the rose, same as you, Chris! Look alive! However, our ringleader does contribute his fair share of priceless reactions to the insanity around him; we love his pitying looks at Ben. Chris lets the audience at home know that every crazy development in this show is just par for the course – and he knows that, just like him, we’ll be back again for another round next year.